“Trust, but verify!”

When I began to write this week’s post, I thought it would be a practical post about online safety and tips to avoid common scams. (I wasn’t thinking about identity theft but more about what is often referred to as “confidence games.” I’ll explain more on that later.) But I soon realized that this was the wrong place to focus -  the scammers and “catfishers” aren’t the problem, they’re exploiting the problem. So I’d like to address what I feel is the real issue, and it’s more of a heart issue than a technical one.

How do you decide who to trust?

As Christians, we often want to believe the best about others, especially other Christians. Being someone who trusts easily is NOT a bad thing! The Bible talks about having child-like faith, and that includes an ability (and willingness) to trust both God and others. But the Bible also says, “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.” (Matt 10:16, NASB) There needs to be a balance.

One of the most basic levels of trust that we give to other human beings is the general acceptance that they are who they say they are. When we meet someone for the first time, we don’t demand three forms of ID and half a dozen letters of reference. When we get a friend request from someone on social media and we recognize their name, we generally accept that they are who they say they are. We take people at their word. For most of our everyday interactions, that’s all we really need.

But we cannot forget that there are a lot of wolves out there, and many of them are in disguise. While their initial appearance doesn’t often give them away, their subsequent actions will. And that’s where the “confidence games” come in. Did you know that the “con” in “con man” or “con artist” is short for “confidence?” Confidence scammers, con men, con artists - they exploit trust.

They might be targeting the trust that you have in someone else (because they’re pretending to be someone you know). They might try to build up your trust and then play on your emotional needs through an intense, staged relationship with you where they say all the right things and present themselves as everything you want them to be. (This has also been called “catfishing.”) Or they might play on our very human desire for financial gain with minimal effort (get rich quick scams). These are just three general categories of confidence tricks - there are many more, and every con artist custom-crafts his/her “game” to fit his/her victim. If you’re interested in reading more about confidence games, there’s a good list of them on Wikipedia.

And this is where we need to be shrewd as serpents.

It isn’t that difficult for a social network scammer to pretend to be someone you know. They just copy all of the public information that is available about the person they’re pretending to be and use it to create their own imposter profile. Scammers can also use your public profile information against you. They’ll look at what you post to see what’s important to you, and then they’ll present themselves as exactly the kind of person you’d want to get to know better. But getting you to accept a friend request or start a conversation is only part of the game they’re playing. Scammers are almost always after your money, but to get to your money, they need to convince you to send it to them.

It’s easy to sit here, at a distance, removed from the “heat of the moment,” and tell you that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. We all know that. But when someone presents just the right lure under the just the right conditions, we’re also willing to forget that! We’re willing to believe that it will be different for us - at least this time. And so we take the bait. In my role as Pastor, I’ve comforted and counseled many who have fallen for a con man’s game. And every single one of them, even as they made what turned out to be a very bad decision, honestly believed that it was a good choice.

And I can relate. Last week in this blog, I confessed that I don’t always make the best decisions myself. As a Pastor, I’m often the recipient of requests for financial help. I hear some heart breaking stories. The thing is, I’m sure that some of them are just that: well-crafted stories. And in that split second when I need to decide whether to give them money for gas or food or whatever it is they’re asking for, unless I feel a clear leading from God that something’s not right, I usually err on the side of compassion. I’m sure I’ve been taken by a good story on more than one occasion. But these are small dollar amounts. When someone comes in with a larger need, the church has a benevolence policy in place. It requires the approval of more than one person, a waiting period, and verification of the need.

But often when we’re approached by scammers, especially online, they aren’t just looking for $20 to top off their gas tank or a few bucks to stock their pantry. They’re trying to convince people to part with hundreds or even thousands of dollars. They might start with a small request, but it quickly escalates after that. Sometimes the con artist is counting on our genuine (positive) desire to help others. Sometimes they’re playing on our equally genuine (negative) desire for financial gain. But either way, they’ll be wrapping it up in a package that is designed to manipulate our emotions and make us want to take the next step with them.

Another point that I shared last week was about temptation. When we encounter temptation, it doesn’t look like danger and destruction. It looks good. It’s appealing. That’s why it’s tempting. And what’s appealing to one person may not have the same draw for another person. If you’re terrified of being on a boat, you’re probably not going to fall for a sales scam that offers a cheap cruise. But if you love cruises, you might be more inclined to check it out… and hope that it’s true!

Your greatest desires, the things that you pray about or dream about, what you long for either openly or in secret - that’s where you’re most vulnerable.

So what can you do to keep yourself from falling into a trap?

First, AVOID MAKING BIG DECISIONS IN ISOLATION. Scammers often weave elements into their stories that are designed to encourage secrecy. They don’t want you to discuss their claims with anyone else because they realize that another set of eyes, another perspective on their story, will often cause it to unravel. Con artists also know how to recognize and take advantage of people who are isolated, who are less likely to have a support system around them. It’s important to note that there’s more than one way to be isolated. You can be isolated if you’re lonely. But you can also be isolated if you’re surrounded by people whom you call friends, but have no one in your life that you respect enough to take correction from. The best defense against falling for confidence games is being a part of a healthy community.

Second, DON’T LET ANYONE RUSH YOU INTO A DECISION. Scammers love to use a sense of urgency (some kind of emergency or imminent deadline) in an attempt to force their victims to make a decision on the spot. Salesmen sometimes use this trick too - they know that if you take the time to think about a major purchase, you’ll probably decide against it. So often, the larger the purchase, the larger the incentive to sign up on the spot. In the scammer world, instead of giving you an incentive, they often threaten you with a loss if you don’t take immediate action. So take a step back and (again) get someone else that you trust involved for the sake of perspective.  

And finally, CHECK OUT THE STORY. Google the person’s name. Look for third party verification that the person is who they say they are - if all you find are social media profiles or personal pages/blogs that the person controls, that’s not very strong evidence. If they provide you with a picture, use Google’s reverse image search to see if it shows up in other places or associated with other names on the web. Also, type a one or two sentence summary of their story into a search engine and see if others have reported being told strikingly similar stories.

Now if you’ve never fallen for a scam, don’t pull any muscles trying to pat yourself on the back :) None of us are perfect. Resist the urge to turn a judgmental eye on those who have been conned. These aren’t individuals who need to be shunned, they’re hurting people who need someone - someone genuine - to reach out to them.

If you have fallen for a scam, you’re not alone. It’s not the end of the world. It’s an opportunity to learn where some of your weaknesses are and work on them. (And this is important, because unless you address the underlying weakness, you’re likely to see it crop up again elsewhere.) It’s also an opportunity to help others by sharing your story. These scams work because of the isolation factor - but when you share your story, you learn you’re not alone, and you help someone else who may be facing a similar situation.

So… would you be willing to share a story of when you fell for a con (or maybe almost did)? Or have you ever been able to help someone in your life avoid, or recover from, a scam? Con artists are excellent at identifying and contacting vulnerable individuals. How can we, as the Body of Christ, do a better job of reaching out to those same people?

Blessings,

Nathan

A Confession, An Apology, and A Challenge.

As a pastor, and member of the Pineville City Council, I’m very much aware of the value of influence. Respect and trust take a long time to earn, and sometimes only a moment to lose. This is part of the weight that every good leader carries with them, a knowledge that their decisions have consequences reaching far beyond their immediate lives and careers.

And it’s not just the BIG decisions. Little decisions can also have big consequences, too.

So here’s my first confession: I don’t always make the best decisions. I might be able to justify the decision, at least to myself, for a little while. But eventually, just like everyone else, I have to own up to my mistakes. If you’re a member of Christian Challenge, I hope you’ve seen in me a willingness to be transparent, to admit to shortcomings, to learn from these experiences and (hopefully) pass on what I’ve learned. It’s human nature for us to want others to think that we’re fine, that we’re strong, that we have it all together. But I’ve learned that there’s real power, and real healing, in being willing to peel back the veneer and be authentic with each other.

So here comes the second part of my confession...

Several years ago, Lori and I decided to get serious about our health. We began to eat healthier meals, exercise, and take vitamin supplements. It wasn’t easy, but we held each other accountable, planned and prepared a lot of food in advance, ate out a lot less, brought healthy foods with us so that we wouldn’t “have to” make bad meal choices - we were dedicated. And it wasn’t long before we began to see some wonderful results! The pounds were coming off. Energy levels were increasing. People began to notice. And I was flattered. As the weeks and months passed and I reached more of my goals, people didn’t just notice - they began to ask me how I had done it.

The supplements I was taking came from a reputable MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) company. The diet and exercise plan I was following had been developed by the leader of one particular “downline” of that company, and was not to be shared with anyone who didn’t purchase supplements. Since Lori and I had already signed up as distributors in order to get the volume discount, it felt like a natural step to start selling to others who asked about it. The commissions we would make would help us to raise funds for our international adoption. I believed that the supplements were high quality and the program was well constructed. It had been effective for me and people wanted to know about it... so why not sell it?

The truth is, I did have a reason not to sell it. I had made a promise to myself and to God many years earlier that I would not become involved with another multi-level marketing business. I had been a part of a large MLM back in the early 90’s and had done well. But I allowed it to consume me. I found myself constantly thinking about ways to pitch my products to others. One day I was in an elevator and someone else stepped in. I was standing closer to the buttons, so I asked what floor he was going to. After he told me, my first thought was, “What can I say to turn this person into an customer in X floors.” I didn’t give a thought to his spiritual condition. I didn’t want to invite him to church or to a Bible study. My first thought was to make the sale.

You have to understand that at this time, I had already been a missionary on the foreign field and now was serving as an associate pastor of Christian Challenge! And yet, there I was, more focused on my wallet than his soul.

That experience shook me a bit. It was a wake-up call for me, a turning point. I gave up the MLM and made that promise that I would never go that route again. Now please understand, I never believed that MLMs or those pursuing careers with them were inherently bad. This was a personal promise, a personal area of consecration between myself and the Lord. I never wanted to be distracted from my calling in the pursuit of money.

And for a very long time, I kept that promise and was never even tempted to reconsider it… until the diet plan worked and people were asking questions and the possibility of being a part of an MLM again seemed more like a divine opportunity than a temptation.

And I suppose that’s lesson #1 from this. Temptation doesn’t come holding a pitchfork, dressed in red with horns and a tail. Temptation wears business casual attire and comfortable shoes. It’s likable, easily approachable. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t really be a temptation.

Giving in to my temptation began with a few tentative steps. At first, I’d tell people that this was really Lori’s business, not mine. I’d just tell my story and direct everyone to her to sign up. (After all, I was kinda keeping my promise if I wasn’t the one taking the money, right?) But despite trying to maintain the illusion of distance, I found myself being drawn further and further in.

Then I drew the line at only “sharing my story” with those who asked me about it directly. (It’s not really sales if the people come to me, right?) Then I began to share a bit on social media and encourage people to ask me about it. (That’s not a hard sell, so that’s OK, right?) Soon, I was attending promotional events and encouraging others to join me. Ultimately, I was hosting promotional events, posting about them in social media, and publicly inviting all of my friends. This “opportunity” had morphed from something that I’d tell a few select people about to something that I spent a good bit of my free time doing. (But the product was very good and I was helping people, people who wanted to be helped - so that’s OK, right?)

Thankfully, I did hold firm on one very important line: I was very careful to never make a sales pitch from the pulpit. I’m glad I didn’t cross that line, but in retrospect, I realize that I still went too far. I didn’t set out to use my influence as a pastor and leader for personal gain. But I do recognize that we often make decisions based on input from those we trust - and because of your trust in me, you may have decided to join the program that I was promoting, even though you might not have considered it otherwise.

I want to apologize for that. Please forgive me.

CC Image courtesy of  Camille King on Flickr

First, for those who participated in the supplement program with me - I recognize that some of you became customers primarily out of loyalty to me. You wanted to support me, and while I’m grateful, I apologize for leading you down what ended up being a bit of a rabbit trail for many.  Second, to those who felt undue pressure to participate, whether you were customers or not - I am sorry for leaning on my influence and friendships with you to promote this program. I’m sorry for giving this program so much of my time that it may have seemed like I had no time for you unless you were also participating in it. You are more valuable to me than any MLM. I’m sorry for allowing this to skew my priorities, even temporarily. Please forgive me.

And now I feel like I need to make another confession… but is it really a confession if it’s obvious?

Despite all the hype, despite the positive results, it was temporary. All that weight that I lost when I was eating well and following that program… it’s all back. And then some! It’s a bit embarrassing to admit it, but anyone who looks at my pictures on social media knows that it’s true!

The thing is, the weight didn’t come back overnight. Just like my involvement in the marketing program didn’t blossom overnight, either. In both cases, it was a series of small but questionable decisions that brought me to a bad place - they brought me there gradually, almost imperceptibly. The changes are glaringly obvious when you look at them over a longer time frame. But when you’re in the moment, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. “I’ll eat the Blue Bell ice cream, I deserve it, it’s been a hard day. I’ll go to this marketing rally, it’ll encourage me. Another cookie, why sure, just one more won’t hurt! Just a few more customers and I won’t have to worry about money, so maybe I just host one or two events at my house.”

As the song says, “it’s a slow fade.”

The truth is we’re often content to suffer a series of small failures. As long as it isn’t one sudden, overwhelming failure, it just doesn’t bother us much. But on the other hand, we’re also often unwilling to celebrate a series of small victories. If it’s not a significant, decisive, obvious victory, it’s almost like it doesn’t count. And yet, that’s where we’ll win our biggest battles - one small step at a time.

So here’s my challenge: Lori and I are getting serious about our health again. But this time, we’re going to work even harder to make sure that in our pursuit of physical health, we don’t lose sight of what’s emotionally and spiritually healthy as well. We’re not going to hype a program that promises quick results… or any program at all, for that matter!

But I want to invite you to come and celebrate the small victories with us, and give us the privilege of celebrating the small victories with you. I know that I need to lose weight, and so that’s the metric that I’ll be focused on. But maybe for you it’s a different goal. Maybe you’re focused on your blood sugar numbers. Or maybe your goal is to be able to walk or run a certain distance. Perhaps your first step is just choosing one healthy snack in place of one unhealthy snack every day. Let’s walk through this together. Let’s hold each other accountable for reaching healthy goals in a healthy way, without becoming consumed by them in the process.

So what’s your goal? How can I encourage you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Or contact me directly. I’d love to walk together towards wholeness. And thank you for reading this far. And for forgiving me. :)

I'm Baaack! - Finally!

As you can see, I haven’t exactly been good at keeping up with things here on my blog! (Last blog entry was October 2014? Really?!?!) My “over-squozen” life keeps me pretty busy. I’m sure you can relate! There’s absolutely no shortage of things to do or places to be these days!

My blog silence isn’t because I have nothing to say… it’s because I have TOO MUCH to say, to the point where I don’t even know where to begin! :) Sometimes I have amazing conversations with people that I wish others could also be a part of. Or sometimes I read something or see something that resonates with me so deeply that I want to share it and encourage others to respond as well.

That’s what I want to do here. I want to be more intentional about blogging. Would you join with me in this experiment, at least for a season? I’m going to commit to sharing something at least once a week here on oversquozen.com (travel schedule & internet access permitting). It might be something that I’ve written, it might be something that others have written (with their permission), or it might be a collaborative thing. I’m inviting you to respond with your own thoughts in the comments.

I already have a few topics in mind.

One is discipleship. We talk about discipleship quite a bit here at Christian Challenge. It’s part of our DNA. But if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves in a rut where discipleship becomes something we deeply believe in… but don’t quite know how to put into practice. I’ve got some thoughts on discipleship that I want to explore - especially how intentional friendship and mentoring fits the ideal of discipleship we’re seeking to achieve.

Another is outreach. This Sunday, I’ll be sharing a bit more about our CARE TEAM relaunch and upcoming outreach opportunities. You’ve probably heard this before, but the Dead Sea is “dead” because it has no outlet. So it stagnates. But when a body of water allows for “flow through” it is alive, nurturing and sustaining.You hear me say this often …”I LOVE serving Jesus with you,” and I am truly excited about finding even more chances for more people to plug in and serve!

Then there’s the issue of online safety. We’ve considered offering a one-day class on this topic, but it’s such a moving target (and our schedules are already so full) that it’s just never felt like there was a right time to do it. But I think that’s something we could address in a blog format as well. This is becoming an increasingly important area that I’m hoping I can provide some resources for - and I also have some friends who can help us explore this area better.

These are just a few of the topics that you can expect to see here over the coming weeks. Are there any other subjects that you’d like to see us discuss here? What’s on your heart? Let me know in the comments! I’m excited about getting back into the writing saddle. Thanks for joining me on the ride!

2014 Election Recommendations

I'm often asked for my thoughts on elections and I'm honored to have that trust placed in me by family and friends. This election cycle presents me with a very difficult position as I have several friends running in the same elections. I've pledged to remain neutral publicly in those races. I will have a difficult decision to make myself in some of these races so I urge you to do what I'm going to do - pray, and go with the leading of the Lord!

One area I don't mind sharing some thoughts on is regarding the Constitutional Amendments. Louisiana is unique in that we seem to have more amendments to our constitution on a regular basis than any other state. Some of the amendments make sense, as they deal with areas that had not been addressed before or clarify existing law.. Other amendments, though, could more properly be taken care of through statues, rather than amending the constitution.

One area of particular concern is the continued use of constitutional amendments to protect certain funds from being used for other purposes. As we've added more and more of these types of amendments, we've restricted our lawmakers' abilities to make adjustments and balance the budget. So as a general rule I have become opposed to this type of amendment. Our legislators should have both the restraint to use money for its original purpose, as well as the freedom to make adjustments in times of financial crisis. So my recommendations below in those matters will be "NO," even though the cause may be well and just. We've got to stop using the constitution to create protected classes and special exemptions.

(In the interest of full disclosure, I have supported such constitutional amendments in the past, but I have seen that that just brings more and more people to the table asking for their constitutional protection. Maybe it 's time for a new Constitutional Convention, and a fresh start?)

And now on to my thoughts about the 2014 proposed Constitutional Amendments:

1. Medical Trust Fund and Healthcare Provider Base Rate - NO
This is one of those funds that seeks constitutional protection. While its cause is good (protecting the Medical Assistance Trust Fund), it also eliminate certain groups from the same protections it seeks to provide to nursing homes and certain other healthcare providers.

2. Medical Assessment, Trust Fund and Fee Formula - NO
Same reason as above. Creating constitutional protections for a certain class of health care providers – hospitals – will create problems for other programs without this special status. This should be done through statute rather than through amending the constitution.

3. Sales of Property with Delinquent Taxes - YES
This would allow local governments the option to use a private firm to assist in the collection of delinquent property taxes and the process of selling property whose owners are tax delinquent. This is very much needed for the many municipalities throughout our state that need assistance in navigating the complex issue of selling properties that have defaulted on their taxes. (PLEASE VOTE YES as this would help PINEVILLE!)

4. Fund Transfers for an Infrastructure Bank - YES
This would allow the State Treasurer to invest public funds into a Louisiana Transportation Infrastructure Bank, in the event that such a bank is created. Louisiana's aging infrastructure is at a critical crossroads and if we don't do something soon to repair and upgrade our infrastructure, we will not be able to catch up. This is one piece of a larger puzzle, but it's a good start.

5. Elimination of the Mandatory Retirement Age of Judges - YES
This would eliminate the mandatory retirement age of 70 for judges. This is the only elected position that has a mandatory retirement age. The ballot box is a better place to deal with judges that may be incompetent, rather than a blanket policy that throws out many of our most experienced judges (who often retire and then are hired back as ad hoc judges by the LA Supreme Court!).

6. Higher Millage Cap for Police and Fire Protection in Orleans Parish - YES
This would cap on millage rates for police and fire protection from five to 10 mills ONLY IN ORLEANS PARISH, giving the New Orleans City Council authority to levy additional mills with voter approval. This doesn't raise the rates, only allows the people of New Orleans to vote it themselves. (Because New Orleans is such a unique place, there are many exemptions in the Constitution for situations that are specific to their setting.)

7. Property Tax Exemption for Certain Disabled Veterans - YES
This would give a bonus homestead exemption to veterans rated with 100% “unemployability” in parishes where a similar tax break has been approved by voters. Many parishes have given special homestead exemptions to veterans with 100% disability ratings. This would extend that to veterans who are classified as "unemployable" due to service-related injuries. A small concession to those who paid a high price to serve our country, in my opinion.

8. Artificial Reef Development Fund - NO
This would establish the Artificial Reef Development Fund in the Constitution and prohibit using its money for purposes other than those described in the amendment. The fund already exists, but it it has often been raided to help balance the budget. While I think it is a noble cause, for the reasons outlined above, I can no longer support creating constitutionally protected funds, no matter how noble the purpose.

9. Tax Exemption Reporting for Permanently Disabled Residents - NO
This would eliminate the requirement that homeowners under the age of 65 who are permanently disabled must certify every year that their income meets the threshold for an assessment freeze. This would only affect approximately 5,660 people across yhe state. Eliminating the re-verification requirement would mean that assessors would be dependent on homeowners voluntarily reporting that their income had risen above the threshhold. An annual verification does not seem too burdensome to assure faireness.

10. Tax Sale of Vacant, Blighted or Abandoned Property - YES
This would shorten the redemption period for vacant blighted or abandoned property sold at a tax sale to 18 months after the sale has been recorded. This ONLY applies to vacant property declared "blight" by the taxing authority. If a homeowner simply falls behind on paying taxes and is still occupying the property, they still have the full three-year redemption period. (Note, Orleans Parish has had this 18-month window for blighted property since 1995 and it has helped them fight blight by getting properties to the tax sale sooner. This would expand that well-proven practice statewide.) (PLEASE VOTE YES as this would help PINEVILLE!)

11. Increases the Number of State Departments from 20 to 21 (Creating Department of Elderly Affairs) - NO
This would increase the limit of allowed state government departments from 20 to 21, effectively creating a Department of Elderly Affairs. As a proponent of smaller government, I don't think a whole new DEPARTMENT is needed. This could be more properly done through an existing department, saving much money.)

12. Louisiana Wildlife and Fisheries Commission Membership - YES
This would change the membership of the Wildlife and Fisheries Commission to require that two at-large members come from parishes north of a line created by Allen, Avoyelles, Beauregard, Evangeline and Pointe Coupee. The current makeup has 6 of the 7 members appointed from south Louisiana. This would give a more equal voice to the central and northern part of the state.

13. Orleans Lower Ningth Ward Vacant Property - YES
This would allow government-owned property in the Lower Ninth Ward in New Orleans to be sold to specified classes of buyers at a nominal rate to be established by the Legislature. As we all know, Katrina devastated New Orleans and they are still reeling from its impact. This would allow New Orleans to put more vacated and blighted property back onto the tax rolls by allowing them to be sold a less than the past-due taxes. Otherwise New Orleans will own these properties forever because no one will buy them.

14. Tax Rebates, Incentives and Abatements - NO
This would forbid the introduction of legislation related to tax rebates, tax incentives or tax abatements in even-numbered years when the Legislature holds a general session and specifically allow such legislation in odd-numbered years during fiscal sessions. The constitution calls for a fiscal-only session of the legislature every other year. However, tax rebates, incentives and abatements got left out of that ruling and this amendment seeks to include them. However, these are great tools used to attract out of state industries and businesses to Louisiana, and to restrict their use to every other year would hinder Louisiana's economic recovery and growth.

Remember, these are all IMO - In My Opinion. You should read the amendments and make your own decisions. Two WONDERFUL tools to help you get educated are the Public Affairs Council of Louisiana's Guide to the 2014 Constitutional Amendments (which I used extensively in explaining the amendments above) and the Council for A Better Louisiana's Recommendations. PAR doesn't make any recommendations and simply presents both sides of the issue. CABL does make recommendations, but explains why they make those recommendations. While I didn't follow their recommendations down the line, I did find their reasoning very helpful in helping me come to my own conclusions.

Reflections on Larry Jeane

Yesterday I received the heartbreaking news that my friend, Pineville City Marshal Larry Jeane, had died due to complications resulting from a car accident on Friday. It was a horrible shock as just the day before the doctors were saying that he was stable, had done very well in the surgeries to repair his broken leg and multiple lacerations. We were preparing for a long road of recovery. But the trauma to his body was just too much and Sunday afternoon he passed away. Larry was a dear friend and his death truly is a shock and a tremendous loss, both personally and to our entire community.

I was contacted by our local paper, The Town Talk, to give some reflections on Larry, which I gladly did. However, knowing the constraints of the newspaper and that they will probably only be able to use a sentence or two of what I wrote, I wanted to share my email to the Town Talk with you as my personal tribute to Larry:

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Hi Jodi,

Thanks for allowing me to share some thoughts on my friendship with Larry Jeane. It's so hard to summarize a 30+ year friendship in a couple of sentences. Let me give you a few highlights and then, hopefully, a couple of comments that you might could use in the article.

I met Larry in 1983 when he was warden of WTFN (Work Training Facility North). I had just graduated high school and was working with a prison ministry called "Prison Invasion" which was a nationwide effort to bring laypeople into prisons for one-on-one contact with prisoners over a weekend. I called to set up an appointment with Larry and when I showed up he says he asked his assistant warden where this little boy's daddy was. :) He took an instant liking to me and allowed me to minister on a regular basis in his prison until I moved to Texas to go to missionary training school and then to Mexico to serve as a missionary.

After I returned from Mexico in the early 90's we reconnected as he was the director of Handi-Works Productions which provided jobs for the mentally challenged. He always had a soft spot for people with challenges.

I was a part of a group of ministers who met at McDonald's every week (we jokingly referred to ourselves as the "McMinisters" and Larry started meeting with us on a regular basis. He always had a joke or story to tell that left us in stitches. He was an honorary "McMinister" and was well loved by all the ministers for his willingness to help out any worthy cause.

Our church has an annual celebration each March which includes dinner on the grounds. Larry has cooked the meat for that meal for us for so many years, I can't remember when he didn't do it. We purchased  the meat but he always refused payment, even though he would often be up all night watching the pit.

In 2003 we started working with an orphanage in Reynosa, Mexico. Larry cooked a BBQ fundraiser for us to help start the ministry and has helped in so many ways over the years. He's cooked so many meals for non-profit groups, senior groups, LC football, other groups ... I doubt there's a person in Central Louisiana who hasn't eaten a chicken cooked by Larry, whether they know it or not!

Another cause that Larry was passionate about was helping Wounded War Veterans. He helped establish an entity that provides assistance to wounded war veterans where 100% of the donations go to the veterans. He did the fundraising himself (again, cooking MANY chickens), twisted arms for in-kind donations, and was passionate about advocating for our returning wounded soldiers. 

Larry was a personal friend who lived only a block away. He sometimes rode his mule to the house and let my daughters ride with him. One day he saw that we had a couple of orange leather chairs in the garage that my wife's father had given her. (He told us they were elephant hide.) Larry, being the LC fanatic that he was, just HAD to have those chairs as they were so unique, so he traded us a pistol for them. He wouldn't take them as a gift.

Larry's love for LC and pride in the institution is the reason the City Marshal's color scheme for vehicles, uniforms, etc, is blue and orange. Larry also had his El Camino painted in those distinctive colors with a menacing Wildcat on the tailgate. That was his pride and joy.

Larry loved music, especially country music, and he taught himself to play the guitar. He also wrote a few songs and they were very good. Somewhere along the line he acquired a "banjitar" which is a banjo body with a guitar neck, allowing a guitar player to sound like a banjo player. He loaned that to my dad about a decade ago and always loved to hear my dad play it. My dad recently returned it to him, over his objections, because my father bought his own and said Larry's children should have that instrument one day. I didn't know it would be so soon.

Hopefully that gives you a little background on my friend, Larry. There's so much more I could say about him but I wanted to give you some color or background to balance out the press release or eulogy. If I could give you a quote that I'd love you to use, it's this: Larry was a larger than life friend who cared for his community and made our world a better place. There is a huge vacuum in our hearts that will not be easily filled.

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts about my friend, Larry Jeane.

Blessings,

Nathan

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There you have it. My friend, Larry Jeane, will be horribly missed. My prayers are with his wife, Johanne and their children, Paul and Joan and the whole family. As much as my heart hurts, I can't imagine the pain they are experiencing. Please keep them in your prayers. Thank you, "Big Brother," for being my friend.

Sincerely,
Nathan

Our Adoption Story ... Part 7

Greetings from Cali, Colombia!

It's been a little over a month since my last update and so much has happened since then that it's going to be hard to catch up. So rather than give you a detailed overview, let me give you a timeline of what has happened since my last update:

• Nov 6: We submitted our paperwork (including passports) for the Colombian TP-8 visa, which is required for adoptive parents. We also filed for the children's DS260 Visa applications to give them permission to enter the US after the adoption was completed. (All this was done on the road and upon arrival to Dallas for the Right Now Conference!)
• Nov 11: We picked up our final medical clearances from our doctors as required by the Colombian adoption agency. We also purchased our round-trip tickets to Colombia and the children's one-way tickets back to the US.
• Nov 12: Lori traveled to the Secretary of State's office in Baton Rouge to have the medical reports "apostilled" which all notarized documents are required to have. Normally we would mail these but the time sensitive nature of our trip required this extra step.
• Nov 14: Paid our final fee to Caroline Adoption Services. Also booked a hotel room in Bogota for our overnight stay before flying into our final destination of Armenia, Colombia.
• Nov 15: Started with a bang! Got a phone call from Colombia that the electronic system used to approve visas had been down for more than 24 hours and that if it wasn't back up within an hour we would have to go to "Plan B" (which had never been tested before!) I was just stepping in to lead my weekly chapel service at Grace Christian School so I went in and asked the 200 children to pray with me for a miracle. We prayed and then had our time of worship. When worship was finished, I pulled my cellphone out to access my Bible and saw I had an email from the Colombian Consulate with our visa approval!!! I told the children they had just been part of a miracle!!! Later that day we also received an email telling us of the the preparations being done with the children for our arrival and that they are very eager to meet their parents!
• Nov 16: The Colombian Consulate had not checked "Saturday Delivery" on the FedEx envelope containing our passports, leading to mass anxiety! Our passports arrived in Alexandria Saturday morning but were not scheduled to be delivered until Monday morning! After multiple calls to FedEx, Lori was allowed to drive to the local FedEx office and sign for the passports!!!
• Nov 17: We left the house at 4:30AM to pick up my parents who drove us to the airport for our 6:00AM flight to Atlanta where we camped out all day until our 5:30PM flight to Bogota (getting to watch the services live from Christian Challenge as we waited in the airport). We arrived around 11:00PM, went through immigration and customs and got to our hotel after midnight.
• Nov 18: It was a short night as we had to leave the hotel at 6:00AM for our flight to Armenia. Avianca ended up merging two flights together and we didn't leave until close to 11:00AM. We arrived around noon in Armenia and Magnolia Franco, our incredible guide and facilitator, was there waiting for us, after leaving her home town of Cali at 6:00AM also.
• Nov 19: We met with the interdisciplinary team at 2:00PM, consisting of the director of adoptions, the children's legal defender, the psychologist, social worker and nutritionist who have all worked on the children's case since they were admitted to child protective services nearly 4 years ago. We gained great insight into the children's past as well as their routines and current development.
• Nov 20: "Encuentro Day!" (Also known as "Gotcha Day!") Our emotions were through the roof as we prepared to meet the children for the first time at 11:00AM. They arrived all dressed up with little backpacks containing everything they owned and balloons (which were gifts for us). It was a joyful meeting, at first, but after a little while Karen began to cry, first a soft whimper and then a full-grown sobbing, heart-breaking cry. Anderson joined her shortly afterwards, probably more because of her crying than for anything he understood. The emotions of the day had caught up with them and the uncertainness of their future overwhelmed them as they realized they were leaving everything behind they had ever known.
  
  It was definitely unnerving, but the psychologist who knew them very well talked with them and helped them move to the car, promising things would be better. They were very withdrawn for the 20-30 minute ride to the secluded hotel in the countryside and began weeping again when we drove through the neighborhood they recognized as where their foster family lived. (We're thankful their last foster family was a good experience!) But once we got to the hotel where we had prepared a welcome party for them, things started getting better. They enjoyed their presents and their cake and finally began smiling. (The tricycle was a big hit!) Before the day was over things were really looking up and they were looking forward to their new life. There was still some hesitancy, as we were complete strangers to them. But you could tell they had been prepared for our arrival and that helped a lot.
• Nov 21-25: We tried to develop a normal routine with the kids, including making our beds in the morning, regular mealtimes, Bible reading, prayers and singing before bed, etc. We also had some outings to places like PANACA (an amusement park dedicated to promoting interaction with animals and agriculture) and Salento, one of the most beautiful areas of Colombia, reminding you of the European Alps. The hotel we were staying at, Mi Mónaco, was a former coffee plantation that had been converted to a bed and breakfast type facility and they had a playground and pool, which the children really enjoyed. It was a time of getting to know each other, learning boundaries and building relationships.
  
• Nov 26: We traveled into town in the morning to sign a power of attorney for our attorney to represent us before the court so that we didn't have to appear at every event. In the afternoon we met with the interdisciplinary team again for the final followup visit before the legal paperwork could be filed. They agreed to meet us at the hotel rather than having the children revisit the place where they had experienced the emotions of meeting us and the visit went exceptionally well. The team was amazed at how well the children were doing and how they were bonding to us. It ended with them giving their whole-hearted approval for the adoption.
• Nov 27: Our paperwork was filed and we packed up and headed to Cali. We had been told it would take 2-3 weeks before the paperwork was final and Cali had so much more to offer than the (relatively) small town of Armenia. Plus, we would be staying in an apartment rather than a hotel, which would give us more of a sense of family. So off we go!
• Nov 28-Dec 8: Here we are in Cali, enjoying this city of over 3,000,000 people and bonding as a family. The change to the apartment has been WONDERFUL! It is the best thing we could have done as we have a kitchen, livingroom (you don't realize how much you miss a couch until you don't have one!), dining area, plus the children have their own bedroom and we even have a separate "time-out room" (which has been needed a lot for little Anderson!) While here we have visited the Cali Zoo, the "Christ the King" statue of Jesus (one of the 10 tallest in the world), visited the historic downtown, attended a "Día de las Velitas" traditional gathering in Magnolia's home and otherwise engaged ourselves in daily living. The children's favorite part of the stay here is the pool and the playground, where they are making friends with other children living in the apartment complex. This has been a wonderful time in our bonding journey and I'm grateful for this place.


That brings us up to date. Right now we are waiting for the notification that the adoption is final and then I will travel by bus to Armenia to sign the "sentencia" (adoption decree), making it all legal. Afterwards we'll all fly to Bogota to start the final phase of our journey (medical exams, TB tests, ID cards and passports with their new names, US Embassy visits for final visa approval, etc). That should take about a week. We're hoping to get to go this coming week, which would mean that if we can change our flight back to the states, we could be home for Christmas!!!


Has it been easy? No, it definitely hasn't. Providing 24-hour care for a 4 and 7 year old is tiring, especially for folks who are old enough to normally be enjoying grandchildren for awhile and then sending them home to their parents!!! Anderson's tantrums can be overwhelming and Karen is still processing things, causing her to be withdrawn at times. They have intense sibling rivalry going on and compete for our attention and affection, even though they don't have to. But in spite of all of this, we wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. 



I'm learning how much I'm like Anderson in my relationship with God ... demanding my way, shaking my fist at Him when I don't get my way and pouting when I get the consequences of my wrong actions, as if they were somehow God's fault! And I'm seeing in Karen all the signs of a broken generation that longs for meaning and value, hoping for a relationship with a Father, but pushing Him away at the same time, all the while secretly hoping He will pursue her, and being pleasantly surprised when He does.


All along I knew that adoption would change my life. I just thought it would be more along the lines of freedoms I'd be missing out on or things I would have to give up. But in reality, it's caused me to slow down and enjoy these little blessings from God, reevaluating all the other "stuff" I've filled my life with. I've got another chance to be the dad and husband I wanted to be and I want to make the most of it.


I'm also especially grateful for my church and family's support. Karen and Anderson absolutely LOVE the video-chats with their sisters, grandparents, aunt and cousins (and dog and cat!). And they have loved greeting the church and being hams when we Skype our greetings in on Sundays. They know they are loved and are looking forward to finally getting to the United States! (They ask me every day if it's today!) But let me warn you ... as much as we all thought we were in this to change their lives, I think they're going to change ours! Thank you for being on this journey with us!


I love serving Jesus with you!
Nathan

Our Adoption Story ... Part 6

Hello friends!

In my last update I shared that the "Adoption Express" was picking up speed. Well it's literally traveling at light-speed now! This past week has seen us complete several significant milestones and if things continue going on the current track, we will be traveling in less than 2 weeks to get our children!

One of the hurdles was getting the USCIS provisional approval this past week to classify our adoptive children as relatives for the purposes of receiving a visa. Our application has been sent by the National Visa Center to the US Consulate in Bogota for final approval. Today we filed the online corresponding application and anticipate receiving the final approval and authorization to travel very, very soon!!

Another hurdle was filing for our Colombian visa so we can travel to Colombia. We can't go on a tourist visa as there is a special adoption visa we have to apply for. We completed the application online today and sent all the required documents via FedEx this afternoon. This packet includes our original passports, several pages of documentation and a couple of cashier's checks for the appropriate fees, as you can see in the picture. It's a little scary to send off your passport, but that's just how it goes. We also included a personal note to the Colombian Consular who has helped many adoptive families get their visas. Hopefully we'll have our visas back in just a few days and be able to purchase our plane tickets!

It's amazing how quickly all this is happening after almost four years of the process! God's timing is always right on, even if it doesn't neatly fit our agenda. We just learn to adjust our agenda to His timing. :) Thank you all for your prayers and amazing support. Your encouragement is much appreciated!!!

Blessings,
Nathan